Jon Strum: The Coach For Caregivers

Caregivers -- Keep In The Sunlight

 Today I was reminded of a great quote from Benjamin Franklin, "Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." Too often, caregivers live in the future.  And the future that they live in is sad.  In this particular version of the future, their loved one is worse off, more symptomatic, requiring more care...or perhaps they have already passed away.  And although this "future" is nothing more than an exercise in imagination, we allow our emotions to react as if it were real!  The stress and anxiety we feel as we anticipate sad events in the future is certainly real...as are the very real health problems they may cause.

That's the danger that Ben Franklin warned us about over 200 years ago.  How much time do you spend worrying about "...what may never happen,"?  Every moment spent worrying about things that may or may not occur is one more moment that we miss being a part of life.  Worrying keeps us on the sidelines.  It prevents us from engaging with life in all of its colors and sounds, its excitement and surprises.  Worry kills our spirit.  Worry demands that we buy into a vision of events that may or may not ever occur.  Worry is a con artist, most often an empty promise with the power to create real stress in our lives.

New age thinkers, like Eckhart Tolle, advise us to live in the moment.  Mr. Franklin put that same thought another way.  He said, "Keep in the sunlight."  But if you think about it, there's actually a profound difference between the two sentiments.  Living in the moment makes no judgement about the quality of that moment.  Describing the same concept as keeping in the sunlight implies that it's a far better place to be.  And that's the wisdom of Ben Franklin.  Live your life in the present...in the moment...in the sunlight, because that moment is the very best place for you to be...at that moment!

Using Facebook To Lighten a Caregiver's Load

Wise caregivers know the importance of creating a support network made up of the people in their lives who they can turn to when they need someone to run an errand, stay with their loved one for a short (or extended) period of time or simply listen to them unload at the end of a difficult day.

Creating a Facebook private group is a great way of keeping your support network up to date on changes in your loved one's condition, household tasks that you could use help in completing or just generic family news.

By now, I'm guessing you are probably already one of the more than 400 million people who have a Facebook page for themselves.  And you may even belong to some Facebook groups.  Most people are already familiar with those Facebook group pages that are visible to the public.  But did you know that when you set up a Facebook group, you have the option of declaring it a private group, making the page totally invisible except to the group's members -- and you get to decide who is invited to become a group member!

Create a private Facebook group that's all about you and the loved one you are caring for.  Then invite everyone in your support network to become a member of the group.  After that, you can start adding photos, posting news, posing questions...anything and everything that you can do on any other Facebook page.  And every time that you, or a member of your group, updates your group's Facebook page, every other member of your group will know it!  It's a great way to make people aware of changes in your loved one's condition, or the outcome of a recent visit with your doctor.  Or perhaps you need someone to stay with your loved one for a couple of hours...just post the request instead of spending lots of time calling people individually.

A Facebook private group page is ideal for keeping your entire support network in the loop while minimizing your effort.  And that's what smart caregiving is really all about! 

Sobering Numbers for Caregivers

Number of breast cancer survivors in the U.S. -- 2.5 million

Total number of AIDS cases diagnosed in the U.S. -- 1,051,875

Number of Alzheimer's cases in the U.S. -- 4 million

Number of Parkinson's cases in the U.S. -- 1 million

Number of family caregivers in the U.S. -- 44 million

Life-changing, sometimes life-threatening, long-term illnesses affect millions of Americans.  As a result, we have any number of organizations, including the American Cancer Society and the Alzheimer's Association, doing great work in educating the public, funding research, offering programs and services and serving as a clearinghouse for good information about each of these illnesses.

The irony here is that becoming a family caregiver is also a life-changing event.  It has been statistically proven to be a life-threatening, or at the very least a life-shortening, role.  Look at the numbers at the top of this post.  Family caregivers far outnumber those affected by any chronic illness by tens of millions.  Caregivers frequently sacrifice income, quality of life, health and even happiness in an effort to provide care for their loved ones.  Yet there is little research, little in the way of support organizations and even less in the way of education or relief aimed at these 44 million Americans.

It's time to start thinking about not just caring for the caregiver, but treating the caregiver.  They play a critical role in enabling family members to age at home or better deal with their chronic illnesses.  Finding ways of letting caregivers know about best practices in caregiving can make a huge difference in their own quality of life.   

This is a critical issue that will continue to grow until we address it head-on.  That's why I will continue talking about it and doing everything that I can to support the more than 40 million family caregivers who start each day by choosing to act heroically.  In the meantime, each of us needs to ask ourselves, "What can I do to ease the burden on the caregiver in my family?"  

What's your answer?

Caring For An Aging Loved One in California?

 

I know this may be very slightly off-topic.  But it's incredibly important.  If you provide elder care anywhere in California, please watch this video.  Then...take action!

FREE eBook For Caregivers -- "The Caregiver's Toolbox"

I just can't wait.  And that's why I'm so excited this morning.  I've been working on a book that I think will make every caregiver's life a little bit better.  And for some, it may even completely transform their quality of life.  But after sharing just a portion of the material for this book with a close friend, my friend asked me to consider putting this material together and releasing it now as an eBook.  So that's what I've done.

As of today, you can download this 24-page "sampler" of the book that's to come.  It's called The Caregiver's Toolbox and it's full of strategies and tools that have been designed to reduce stress, elminate frustration and empower caregivers to provide the highest level of care to their loved one without losing themselves in the process.

Just visit my new Facebook fan page and look for the "Caregiver Tools & Resources" tab.  You'll find a link to download The Caregiver's Tookbox.

Please don't just read The Caregiver's Toolbox and then put it down.  Put some of its tools into practice and take the first steps toward improving your quality of life today! 

Something Special Just For Caregivers!

I apologize for the lack of many posts this past week.  But I've been working on something special that I think you're going to like. 

Check back tomorrow and take advantage of something brand new that I've created just for caregivers...and it's yours FREE!

Caregivers: What's In Your Toolbox?

This past weekend, I had the good fortune to find myself in the company of ten very inspiring couples.  Within each couple, one partner was battling multiple sclerosis and the other partner was their caregiver.  The love, devotion and commitment that each couple shared was obvious...and wonderful to be around.

One of the partners with MS told me a story about how she had taken a fall in her bedroom while her husband was at the other end of their house, in his home office.  She screamed until he finally thought that he heard something and went to investigate.  I asked this woman how she would handle things the next time she fell while her caregiver was elsewhere in their home.  She replied, "I guess I'll scream louder." 

I suggested that she and her husband stop at their local Radio Shack and purchase a pair of inexpensive wireless intercoms.  One could be set up in their bedroom and one could be plugged into the wall in their home office.  The unit in their bedroom could be set to automatically pick up any sounds in the room, without any buttons having to be pushed.  If my new friend fell again, she could use the intercom to summon her husband without having to lie on the floor screaming and waiting or hoping to be heard.  She thought this was a great idea.

This exchange reminded me of all of the tools and resources designed to support caregivers that are available today.  So often, caregiver support tends to mean emotional support.  But many of us who have been further down the caregiver's path have discovered real tools that can make the job of caring for your loved one easier. 

If you're wondering whether there's a tool or resource out there that could immediately alleviate some of the anxiety that you or your loved one may be feeling, there's no need to just lie on the floor screaming, hoping to be heard. Sign up today for a free personal coaching call with me and take the first step towards filling up your caregiver's toolbox.

How Dare I!

I received hate mail (well, hate email) yesterday!  I was called out for making the decision to transfer my own wife to a skilled nursing facility and then having the audacity to coach other caregivers on how to best live balanced lives. 

I thought the best place to respond to my email-writer was on my MS Caregiver Blog, as that's the blog where I've chronicled those events that have affected me as my wife's caregiver.  Click here to read my response!

Obama Budget Helps Caregivers

Today's NY Times reports that the Obama Administration's 2010 budget includes $102.5 million in support for programs specifically targeted at family caregivers.  The bad news is that $102.5 million isn't a very big number.  Especially when you consider that AARP estimates that there are over 44 million family caregivers in the United States.  Evaluated in these terms, that works out to less than $3.00 per caregiver.

But I believe that the good news here outweighs the bad.  And the good news is that this tiny line item in the President's budget is a HUGE acknowledgement that the well-being of family caregivers is a growing issue that requires national attention and support.  In other words, this is a start.  A first step toward making the issue of family caregiving a part of our national conversation.  I believe that this conversation will resonate so clearly in homes across the country that it won't be long before the needs of family caregivers begin to appear on our lawmakers' radar.

These first steps are small steps.  But despite their size, they serve the important purpose of starting us down the right path.

Failing to Care for the Caregiver

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post recommending that caregivers keep a Gratitude Journal.  I recently received an email that read, in part,"I'm amazed any caregiver has the time for a journal, but it's a good idea."  And that pretty much explains how caregivers eventually find themselves in trouble -- frequently facing depression and burnout. 

Most caregivers would quickly agree with my email writer's statement.  They just can't see how they can carve out the time to update a journal, or meditate, or take a walk, or talk on the phone with a friend.  But failing to care for the caregiver is the quickest path to feeling overwhelmed.  Add in feelings of isolation and a bit of anxiety and you're well on your way to reaching clinical depression and/or caregiver burnout.  And then you'll be faced with two people requiring care -- you and the loved one whom you're trying to care for!

If you can see that taking time for yourself will actually make you a better caregiver, but you can't see how to get yourself to that place, I have a simple solution for you.  Email me.  No one makes it in life alone.  Let me help you learn how to deliver amazing care to your loved one without losing yourself in the process!  

How You Can Help
Today's post brings up an unfortunate yet common situation.  Often, caregivers fail to make time for themselves even when they know it's the right thing to do!  If you know someone who is caring for a chronically ill or aging loved one, email them a link to today's post.  Remind them that they can sign up for a FREE one-on-one coaching call that could be the first step in completely transforming their quality of life.  Don't they, and the loved one that they're caring for, both deserve that?